Acting like a Human

Now when I talk to people they love to say thing like "Evan you are such a homosapien." or " Evan, I love the fact that you have skin and not a membrane like exterior from which your alien tentacles protrude."

However, sometimes people say to me "Evan, I think the fact that people relay life stories through their blogs is a great idea." My friends I have heard your words. and I will respond in kind.  This is called the story of the vengeful play practice.

Once upon a time a long yesterday ago I went to Play practice for - I am interrupting my blog to let you all know that my roommate Bob just gave me a sick burn. I hope you go to his blog (confessions of an NPR junkie) and tell him that wasn't nice- a play called "Our Country's Good.  I was playing a part called Major Ross. He is a dick, a racist,hateful, anti-Semitic, stern, lovable dick.  But that's not important to the story.

What is important is that I went in there feeling fine and dandy, perhaps a little resentful that I had to drive out to rehearsal thinking that I wouldn't practice my part today, but still upbeat as I knew shenanigens would happen on the set, as they generally do.

Things started off poorly. I forgot to bring a hat, so the world had a good look at my beautiful head. THEY DO NOT DESERVE THAT LUXURY.  When I arrived the room seemed warmer than normal, odd since there weren't that many people there to heat it up. However I checked in saying I was glad to be there and see everyone blah blah blah.

I then tried to amuse my fellow humans with a dance. They were not amused.

After some acting warm up we all had to get ready for our scene. I was told to whip a man playing a convict luckily I have had much whipping practice in my Indiana Jones Sado-Masochism phase.  so I certainly knew how to whip with an imaginary whip. The scene then moves on to a bunch of people who aren't me talking so its boring.  However as I "whip" the "convict" I thought: "Jesus it is hot in here." I didn't know you could get such a workout from fake whipping someone.

Later as the rehearsal went on I realized that the room wasn't hot, I was hot. This was strange because I didn't feel sexy like I should. Instead I felt as if my insides were working overtime. Maybe I should just get some fresh air.  Unluckily for me as soon as i got outside I felt like I swallowed a live muskrat. My insides started to cramp up like they were an unstretched runner in the 100meter dash.

Long story short I ended up running to the bathroom to empty my bowels.

I didn't feel much better after doing that but I still went upstairs to finish off rehearsal.

After rehearsal Bob and I went to Cumberland Farms to buy firewood. Long story short its a good thing that the Cumberland farms bathroom had a toilet that could flush multiple times

Moral of the story: Don't trust ground beef that has gone bad.

Evan